thanks for the answers - not to gratuitously stump for my blog, but I have a lengthy rant/post about how I handle(d) this question with my AS son.

I am fairly certain both of my kids still believe in Santa at ages 8 and 5. Neither of them has ever been big on standing in the long line at the noisy, crowded mall to sit on the big guy's lap. They like the idea of him, but the real dude scares them. Maybe it's the beard or the power trip, I don't really know.

We have the kids write an email or letter to Santa. There are some guidelines - they may ask for up to three things from Santa for themselves, they must ask for something for someone in need, and this year they must mention a global problem that concerns them. They are old enough to think of others' needs, and this gets the wheels turning.

At our house, Santa fills the stockings and brings each child one special gift. On the Santa present, there is a personal letter to each of them, acknowledging their hard work or certain accomplishments they are proud of. They absolutely glow when they realize Santa knows the details and is proud of them. The letter seems to mean as much, if not more, to them than the gift itself.

I couldn't lie to my kids. I told them the truth. I also told them that other kids really believed in Santa (also the tooth fairy and Easter bunny) and they should keep the truth a secret.

It's been so easy with them knowing. It's still fun because now we can all pretend.