.:Journal Entry - from January 16th, 2007:. .:Four Months- 3 days since our Wedding - One Month and 3 days since Seth's Diagnosis of MS.: I hesitate to say that before Seth, I never had a passion. I would like to think I did, but did I ever really do everything I could with it? I think you find your calling in life, and maybe your passion when you're presented with an obstacle. Could be something small, could be something life-changing, but its presented itself, and its there no matter how badly you may wish it wasn't. So what are you going to do with it?+ Seth has been the axis that my world revolves on since I met him. We've had an untouchable relationship since it began. Something neither of us had experienced before, and something that is just so...perfect it might make the romantically-faint sick if our lives were a book they were forced to read. He is what gives me a passion for life, and I'm completely obsessed with everything about him. His responsibility, his generous nature, his loving heart, even down to the wave of his hair when his haircut is growing out. He's absolutely amazing, and I have found my passion. So what do you do when your passion takes on a greater purpose, even if its not by choice but by chance. Chance, not choice diagnosed Seth with Multiple Sclerosis on December 13th. Chance, and a one letter difference in the word make the word, CHANGE, which is where we are now. One day your life is as you've known it to be for the last 2 and a half years, and the next it brings so many unexpected questions about a life changing disease that you have no choice but to search tirelessly for the answers and an understanding. What is this curveball thats being thrown into your untouchable life? Sometimes I think thats where I went wrong. Thinking our life, our relationship was untouchable. I'm not naive enough to think that no hardship would ever show its face to us, and that we wouldn't have obstacles to overcome. By untouchable I mean that I knew there isn't anything that we couldn't face and defeat together. I still know this, and believe it with every ounce of my being, but it still means changes. It means growth, building our strength together and as individuals, and making the most of everyday. I found myself so lost for about the first week after his diagnosis. So many questions, so much devastation, and what has turned out to be so much determination. From the time we knew it *could* be MS, and that the only way to really know was to diagnose by exclusion, we knew we could hope for the best, but should try to prepare ourselves for the worst. Seth prepared for the worst only by praying that no matter what we found out, and how it was going to affect or ravage his body, that he would stay strong enough to at least take care of his family. He's facing the effects of not only this horribly unpredictable disease but also the horrid side effects that come with treating it for the rest of his life, and his modest hope is to provide me and the possibility of future children a life of normalcy. Now that I've got a perspective on what to expect, and I'm getting a vast education on something I knew nothing about before, I realize that if this is something that is inevitably going to affect our life together, it better become something that we can take on head first. The only way to do this is to be our own advocates. Be passionate about learning all we can, and doing EVERYTHING we can to put this disease on hold so that it doesn't do the same to our lives. I'm learning that having a passion for something can only enrich your life. It gives your life purpose and gives you something to look forward to. Everyday I wish that MS wasn't a reality, and that we might wake up to find that the 13 lesions, or a copay of $900 a month for his infusions were just another part of some horrible dream, but this is real life, and all we can do is make the most of what we're given. If you asked me five years ago what passion was, I would've probably pointed to a cover of a Harlequin Romance novel and shown you what it looks like in fiction. Now I will tell you that its having a love of something so real that you allow it to give you purpose. My love for Seth is so real, and finding a way to make his life better and our relationship even stronger despite this disease is my purpose. We know that there will be good days and bad days, but we are still untouchable. For more information on progress in research on Multiple Sclerosis, our experience with it, and the beginning of efforts to make a difference in the lives of those living with MS, please visit our website. www.lucky13s.org