on a stick, that is.  POAS to the infertility online community, take a home pregnancy test to the rest of the world.  I have had my ups and downs with the dreaded peesticks.  My first donor egg IVF, the first one where i had a snowball's chance of success, I had a home pregnancy test come up positive and it was the thrill of my life.  My first positive, right there on my 44th birthday.  I felt very confident going in to my beta blood test on Friday and found out that my beta was only 10, which is not really even pregnant.  It was a chemical pregnancy, a very, very early miscarriage and my first hard lesson in how much you can trust the peesticks.

The sticks were snow white for my next IVF, a frozen transfer.  My next cycle was a fresh transfer from donor #2, and I was confident again; but the peesticks were negative until the day before my beta, when they suddenly showed up positive.  I had spent a weekend grieving and did one more test just to be sure and what a surprise.  The beta numbers were strong that time but the pregnancy turned out to be ectopic.

Another set of negatives followed with my next frozen transfer in January. 

So here I am after frozen transfer / IVF #6, scared to death to take that test.  My transfer was last Tuesday, and this Tuesday came and went.  I was too scared.  But starting yesterday I have just felt kind of yucky, not really nauseated but sort of. 

So I did it and I saw a very, very, very faint line.  I know not to trust it - but it could be a very good sign.