Last night prior to bed I surfed some of my favorite blogs. One of them being PostSecret, which really had me upset. Not sure if you've ever visited PostSecret, but it is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

I've never sent one in because I honestly can't think of a secret worth sharing. I mean let's face it - I am a pretty vocal person. I don't hold too much back. So anyway, I am browsing through this week's secrets and I come across two items that bothered me and ended up making me cry. Ruben asked what was wrong and I showed him. He says to me - "you don't seriously think that one is from me, do you?" I said "no" - I knew he had no way of sending it in, as he hardly even knew about the site, let alone what to do or where to send it. I don't read the secrets looking for one that pertains to me, I just simply like reading them. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I am disturbed.

Last night I was just upset cause the postcards hit a little close to home, and I could relate to them in a way. I don't worry so much about my scars anymore, but I do worry that I have pushed him away. I remember in the beginning I couldn't even stand to look at my scars let alone let him look at them or touch them. Today I wear those scars with great pride because it shows how strong I am, and that I will go to any length to be here with my family. I feel awful for the woman who wrote this card, thinking that her insecurities drove her man away and I hope one day she comes to terms and is no longer ashamed of her disfigurement. For the other card, I say shame on you. Love is unconditional. Your wife would still love you if you had testicular cancer and had to have your balls removed. There is more to a marriage than what is on the outside. Is being fortunate enough to still have a living wife not good enough for him, would he rather have someone with boobs? That is vain and selfish. I feel for his wife, because I'm sure she has her own personal struggles from dealing with cancer. She deserves a man that is sympathetic and understanding.

These cards make me feel so blessed to have the husband I do. One that loves me and stands by me no matter what - even though I have tried to push him away, he refuses to budge. One that told me that it did not matter if I chose not to get reconstruction - that if I am going to do it, then do it for myself. I am extremely fortunate to have a husband like this - and rather than take him for granted, I try to remind myself of this day in and day out. I wish all women faced with breast cancer were as fortunate as myself to have such a loving, caring partner - and that they have the strength and courage I now have.

If I had more time before radiation I would send Frank over at PostSecret an email response regarding these two cards, but it's a little late now as he posts new secrets every Sunday - so any chances of the emails being posted or seen before Sunday would be slim. Ah well, maybe next time I will remember to check earlier in the week.