hello, my name is Eva and im a 3 time cancer suvivor every one in my family has this image of me of the super mom who can handle anything I thought I could till I was diagnosed with breast cancer just 6weeks after having my 4rth baby I was a newly wed ( but I married my highschool sweetheart) we had 3 older kids before the yr.2000 . my dr found a lump in my left breast  and before Iknew it I was in a having a mammogram the look on the nurses faces was enough for me to fall to my knees .how was I going to tell my husband my children they depend on me for everything.my sister in law helped me out with the news breaking . In less then a mounth I lost my job as a daycare provider the moms didnt want to stay around (all exect one ) so the finaces were hard and my husband shut down and pulled away from me for 5 yrs I handled my cancer and  all the side effects with determination I took every precaution so I could get my life back . but it was to late my husband and I were talking divorce and then came baby #5 he was are gift that things were changing or so I thought .IN april of 06 I thought I caught ammonia but an xray showed a dark spot so they had me do a bone scan and while my children were coloring eggs the dr. called my life was about to change  at fisrt I could stop crying they found a tumor on my left tenth rib I felt like I let my children down my husband  and I were bareley speaking to each other but I told him anyway . all I could think about is how when I was so careful chemo pills surgerys why did it come back .Finally it  was time to remove the rib and  rad, and more pills again taking every precaution I even had my ovaries removed oh and I had to remove some of my teeth to take a bone strenghthing med. I had to stop working so I had to try to lean on my husband for help but he was once again bailing on me finally I put my foot down and told him if he wasnt man enough to handle this enough to support me then leave ,and he said he was sorry and things were good again I fell in love with all over again and we beat the cancer then again in april of 08 my lower back started to hurt and I went in and an mri showed cancer again what , how I was ready to return to work and get my life back .and here we go again now its 6mths after the third accorance and well my children wont even listen me my husband seems to be punishing me for getting sick and I feel so alone I feel like my friends have all heard to much , Ijust feel like I cant express myself and I have anxiety all the time my every thought when I share a special momment with my 2 little guysthank god for letting me share this with them ,then I think will I be here for the next ? I hate feeling like this but I feel like I have a huge clock above my head , are these feelings normal ??? I no idea whats going on in my husbands head he just puts more presure on me by blamnin me for bills and the behavior of the kids . weve tried counseling and it worked for a little bit then things went right back . my body is just tired all the time and I have half the energy level I used to im leaving this cancer with very little knowlege I have sssoooo many questions , . Im hoping there is someone out there I can confide in (a shoulder , or a friend      sincerly Eva A.