We all make associations all the time, where we connect one event or set of circumstances with another. I associate the arrival of Summer with sun burn, turning puce and spending many a happy hour peeling off strips of dead snake skin from my arms. I associate the holidays with Christmas pudding, hidden silver shillings to break teeth and a visit to the dentist. Some of the connections we make are faulty but they’re hard to shift once they’ve been experiencing. We learn through our unique experiences.

Teaching autistic children can be difficult because their motivations differ so greatly from the average child. It is because of this that frequently we need to use motivators that many other parents disapprove of quite strongly. Most people are on board with giving a child a piece of candy for successfully conquering potty training at a young age, commonly under 5 years old. These same people are less convinced by giving an older child an M&M for putting on one sock, ineptly. I suspect that it’s the back story that’s missing.

Why would anyone reward a child for putting on a single sock aged 8 or 9 or older? But that's just the "curse of socks."

Learning is tough, for everyone, but if learning is tough, then un-learning is tougher still. "Un-learning?" Un-learning is when someone has grown into a habit that is detrimental in some way. A common example here, is when hand washing becomes obsessional, compulsive and sometimes ritualistic.

Ironic as it may seem, my youngest son has been plagued in this manner. His habit was to turn on the tap, flap or rub his hands in the water and then run away shaking them dry, whilst the water still gushed into the sink. The ‘washing’ was not associated with an occasion that might warrant hand washing. Additionally, the water droplets on his clothing meant that these damp and contaminated garments also had to be removed. Within the passage of a few short days, hand washing became associated with undressing. Now that is behaviour that needs to be un-learned.

For me the irony here is that whilst it might take 40 minutes to put on one sock successfully, it also takes less than 3 seconds to remove every stitch.

Just in case this is unfamiliar territory, I should like to point out that it is these kinds of habits that they teach themselves, that are the most difficult to un-learn. They seem to create a much deeper groove. Although I know that I’m not going to break a tooth on the next Christmas pudding, it still runs through the back of mind, irrational and stuck. I find that I have to break the pudding into little fragments, just to be on the safe side, always have, and probably always will. It’s a harmless habit, but some other habits can be harmful. It’s the "harmful" ones that I concentrate upon. Unlikely as it may seem to some, too much hand washing can indeed be harmful. Not only does it use up an inordinate amount of time, it can also dry the skin to parchment. It can interfere with one’s ability to function and take on a whole rash of extraneous and often hidden meanings for the child or person:- ‘if I wash my hands I will be safe / if I wash my hands it won’t happen.’

There are many theories and strategies associated with un-learning. I suspect I’ve tried most of them on one or other child over the years. For mine, the only thing that really works is desensitization. All the paraphernalia or "Scaffolding" that goes along with it, is just a package of supports which amounts to fading. Depending upon that child’s circumstances, it is generally a matter of removing the supports for one set of behaviour and replacing them with props to improve the chances of a different kind of behaviour. Does that sound a little convoluted? Lets put it another way. I’m delighted that my child has completed hand washing but I’d prefer him not to strip on completion. The two bits have become stuck together for him. I’d like the hand washing to continue. I’d like the striptease to stop. The latter won’t stop unless I can help ease him out of this habit. I’d like to break the association of the two and end up with a different association. This is why associating hand washing with an M & M is so much better.

Now some "clever" people might say ‘hang on a minute! You’ve missed the point. He hasn’t connected hand washing with undressing, he’s associated hand washing with being wet. He’s the one with sensory issues. It’s the ‘wet’ you need to tackle.’ Horray for you, go straight to the top of the class. Why does this matter? Because if we uncover the right connection it is so much easier to unlearn. It changes the focus. I can figure out a way of avoiding getting wet in the first place. I can go back to the "sequencing" chart. I can ensure task completion. I can make sure we don’t skip a step. I can teach hand drying. Much more effective than duct taping his clothes to his body.

"Cheers dears"