The important thing about advocating for your child is that you communicate well, communicate often, communicate in several forms (letters, e-mail, phone calls), and always communicate respectfully and kindly. People who work with children, particularly in special education, truly care. Here's some thoughts about how to advocate for your child:

1. Identify what your child needs.

2. Identify who should provide that service (a doctor, specialist, agency, teacher, administrator, etc.).

3. Make an appointment to speak to that person. Have your concerns and questions clearly identified so you can get to the point.

4. Respectfully and kindly ask for what you want.

5. Follow up your inquiry with a letter. This does two things: lets the person know you are serious and provides documentation about your request. For example: Dear Mr. Smith, yesterday we spoke about getting a fidget for my son to manipulate while he is in class. I understand you're concerned that he'll be distracted and won't pay attention, but in my experience, it actually helps him concentrate. I respectfully request that he be allowed one fidget that you identify and I can provide, if necessary. I would be willing to do this on a trial basis if that is helpful. Thank you for your time and consideration.

6. Be sure to thank them, verbally and in writing, for providing what you've requested. Why? Goodwill, baby. It makes them feel appreciated and you definitely want people you and your child are working with to know you appreciate them. What if they say no? Send them a letter: Dear Mr. Smith, I am disappointed to hear you won't allow my son to have a fidget while in class. I respect your position, and therefore would like to ask that you recommend another alternative that you feel comfortable with. I know we both want Zion to focus on his classwork. I am open to any suggestions you have. Please call me at ….anytime. Thank you very much.

7. Learn to accept no for an answer (but not necessarily right away). But, do (respectfully) ask for it in writing, along with the reasons why a service or test or specialist is being denied.

8. Sometimes, it helps to ask again. Or, if your child's pediatrician won't refer you, maybe his or her neurologist will. Try taking another route. Or, ask for a list of people or agencies that provide that service in the community. Ask if they can recommend an alternative service that will still allow your child to pick up a skill he or she needs.

9. Be prepared to provide services privately. In the case of your child's pediatrician refusing to refer your child to a particular specialist or for specific tests, prepare to pay for them out of pocket. Expensive? Most definitely. Even if you are successful in getting referrals, which is what I've experienced, the co-pays can really rack up. But it's all worth it.