“Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.” –Chinese proverb

Several years ago I endured an ulcerative condition. The doctor loaded me up on 6, 8, 10, and ultimately 12 pills a day. The failing medical approach reached a piercing crescendo upon the doctor suggesting I undergo a colonoscopy.

Squeamishness about having a long tube coiled up the rear often prevents people from undergoing this very important procedure. 130,000 people are diagnosed with colon cancer every year and 56,000 of them die. If caught early enough through periodic check-ups and colonoscopies, the disease can be prevented.

I showed up several days later at the lab only to be met by a gorgeous nurse. I don't know about you but this was the first time I'd been greeted by a beautiful woman who asked me if I cleansed my colon before telling me to take off my clothes and prepare for her to shove a tube up my ass. I felt a kind of strangely erotic fear. They put me on an IV with Demerol and the next thing I knew, I awoke barely robed on the table asking the nurse if she'd like to join me for a date. 

For the entirety of the 30 minute procedure, I discovered that I'd been hitting on the nurse as I lay naked on the table while she coiled and uncoiled a tube thru my rectum. It was worse than a teacher adjusting someone while they are in the "sitting frog" yoga pose. It was worse than eating a hard boiled egg while trying to make the moves at a swanky bar. It was worse than; it was THE WORST MOVE OF ALL TIME. I just should not have been flirting with a woman while she was performing a colonoscopy. 

The nurse was plenty nice but my embarrassment was off the charts. I skidaddled out of the lab quicker than you can say to your favorite male yoga teacher, "I hope that's your finger I feel poking my back."

I learned a few very important lessons but none as important as this: one should always avoid socializing with their pants down on the Demerol drip.

by David Romanelli (yeah dave)

To sign up for my weekly email newsletter, The Schtick, email me at yeahdave@yeahdaveyoga.com