I constantly work at being a better person. I work at criticizing less, gossiping less, whining less, and yelling at my kids less. I try to understand people instead of judging them. I try to keep my crabby moods from troubling others. And I try to admit when I’m wrong, even when it would feel so much better to be right.

Cancer helps me work on my shortcomings. Because I’ve conquered the disease—for now—I figure I have a second chance at becoming a really good person. So when I learn about a self-improvement technique that seems suited for me, I grab it and try to infuse it into my world. Here’s one I know will work wonders the next time I find myself in a disagreement with a loved one. It comes from Dan Shapiro, a 20-year Hodgkin’s lymphoma survivor, husband of a breast cancer survivor, and psychologist who treats folks with cancer. This guy knows cancer. And he knows how to solve problems for people living with the disease.

Shapiro, who shares his three-step approach to good communication in the premiere issue of heal magazine, has this to say.

First, recognize that cancer shapes most of your interactions with most everyone.

Second, listen carefully and start your response to any attack by acknowledging the true parts of what your opponent has said—even if the true part is teeny tiny. Instinct will have you doing what you normally do—defending yourself, maintaining your rightness—but saying “you’re right” in the middle of a fight is a great way to defuse the emotion of the interaction.

Third, do little things that make your spouse, friend, family member feel loved. Shapiro’s wife likes a clean bathroom. If he cleans it for her, he knows she’ll feel loved.

I’m going to practice these three steps. For better or for worse. I’m banking on better.