I had my chest x-ray on Tuesday. On Thursday, I gave a vial of blood for use in a research study about breast cancer. I had a test done on my heart today. Next Thursday I will go for an evaluation of some sort prior to getting a port inserted into my chest. The port goes in next Friday. Chemotherapy will begin once the port is in place so it won’t be long now.

I am preparing for chemo. I ordered a wig a week ago. I got it today. I will send it back tomorrow. It’s too blond and too long and too fake for me. I think I will wear hats every day (not a bad thing since I wear ball caps often anyway). I plan to order what’s called “underhair.” It’s a soft white cap that fits tight to the head and has hair along the sides and back. It’s intended for use with hats. I found this at www.hiphat.com after a recommendation I saw on someone else’s breast cancer web journal.

Joey will be disappointed that I won’t keep the wig. He really liked it. He immediately put it on his head and then tried it on Danny. He told me it looked really pretty on me, and he asked me how I will get rid of the hair I already have on my head in order to wear a wig. So I told him for the first time that my hair will fall out once I start taking medicine. I asked him if he would help me shave my head once the hair starts coming out and he said, “I will.”

I am torn about whether or not I want chemo to start. Some moments, I don’t want to wait another week for it to begin. I want to get on with the process and actively get better. Other moments, I want to delay it because once it begins, I have to officially deal with it—hair loss and all.

I know I am getting better at dealing with it, though, and hopefully I will continue on this path. When I first got my diagnosis, I cried a lot. A doctor friend told me it’s okay to cry, but to limit it to 15 minutes per day. Now I don’t even cry every day. That must be progress.