Don't Call Me Dear
Okay, this is April Fools Day and no jokes so far - I really don't like jokes unless they are very clever.
I went to my favorite beauty college the other day and had my hair dyed. I asked for light ash blond, but it is a bit reddish and I don't quite like the color. I told them that honestly, the reason I was dying my hair was because I was tired of people calling me dear. I like my white hair and will go back to it, but I kinda want to know if the "dears "and "sweeties" will change any without it.
In the last so many years people in stores mostly are the ones who call me dear and occasionally sweetie. To me it feels like an insult and a way of dismissing me as a viable person, but instead an old and somehow inferior person.
I don't usually say anything about it, but on occasion I do. My husband says I am overreacting, but that is his take, not how it feels to me.
The first time someone called me dear it was definitely a put-down. I was at Red Butte Gardens, where I used to volunteer and take classes. It was a beautiful day and I was in a great mood - in my element - soil and the incredible things that grow in it.
A group of men were together, walking around and having a good time too and I said something friendly to one of them and he replied back with dear. It was like he threw an insult at me saying I was no longer a real person and should not act like I believed I was. I felt uncomfortable and hurt.
Maybe I am too sensitive, but please don't call me dear or sweetie.
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Comments (6)
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Ha, ha. Regional differences in endearments can be very confusing. I suspect there have been many confused conversations. I've been confused on occasion and have definitely given the wrong impression to others.
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farmwifetwo - I probably would love your white hair, just as I did mine. My 14 year old granddaughter, Rachel has the loveliest silver streak in her hair and its natural. I hope she never dyes it. I've finally learned not to comment on "pregnancy" or as they now say, "baby bumps". I have been so sure people were pregnant only to find out it would have been better to have kept my mouth shut.
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Calla, dear, (kidding) I understand and accept it just fine when it's a habit that people use as endearments - its pretty obvious to me the difference between something meant sweetly and a put-down. Love
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Back East where they still have diners, the waitresses often call customers 'sweetie', 'sweetheart' or 'dahlin'. No one takes it personally - it's expected. I really miss diners. Just another reason for you to hate the East coast.
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Thank you guys so much for understanding. The unintended insult that bothered me even more was when a man asked if my husband was my son! The man is still alive, but I was so upset inside, My husband is almost ten years younger than I and his hair has almost no gray in it - lots of people think he dyes it, which is an insult to him, but anyway, after I lost lots of weight I haven't had people ask if I am his mother. On the other hand, his younger brother has had white hair for many years and was asked if his mother was his wife. Of course, my husband got his genetic brown hair from his old mother! Ma'am is another one that I think no one likes either, like you said. What a silly thing life can be!
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Wow...I think I would have taken it as an insult too.
