If I knew then what I know now, there are many things that I would change. This is far from a complete list merely a random selection.

1. I would have negotiated with my other half, to ensure that the stay at home parent has ten minutes in the morning to wash and dress before the other parent leaves for work. Ten minutes can be hard to squeeze into a busy morning routine when there are small children around, but this small step should help the day get off to a good start as well as save a great deal of heart ache and unnecessary stress.

2. I would sign up for any available State Benefits such as Respite care from the local authority. This is a time consuming bureaucratic exercise and qualifying takes many months. However if the system is in place early enough it can provide a great back up system for the unexpected, and of course, the unexpected usually happens when you least expect it. In our case there was a long home visit as well as an appointment at their central office. I put this off for several years because ironically, I was unable to find a baby sitter.

3. I would take care of my own health better. If I had followed step two then I would have been able to follow through with 3. Everyone is responsible for their own well being to a certain degree. It is pointless to worry about family and children if you are dead too early. It must be far better to remain alive and healthy, where you will have better opportunities to do the best that you can for your family with or without worry.

4. I would accept offers of help and put the ‘supermum’ crown in the recycling bin.

5. I would keep better records. I might not have the time to file, collate, organize and alphabetize, but a large cardboard box in the garage would ensure that I would never lose anything vital.

6. I would not spend a fortune on baby proofing my home. I would keep the outside fence, gates and locks as a delaying tactic to escape. I would keep the dead bolts on all external doors. Instead I would remove all dangerous items. Dangerous items would be very specific to my particular children. I would re-introduce those dangerous items one by one, over a very long period of time and teach my children why the thing was dangerous using their natural strengths, such as kinesthetic learning.

For example :-

Parents are advised to squat down and get a child’s eye view of a room. I followed this advice but I failed to see the right things because my children have an entirely different perspective from me. What I should have seen were several shiny and reflective surfaces that served as mirrors. Mirrors used to be a horror to my children. An unexpected self image caused minor shock waves in them. If I had listened more carefully I wouldn’t have just warmed them when I was about to turn on an electric appliance, I would have noticed that the fridge freezer hums all the time, that the water filter system gurgles intermittently and that random whoosh of the heating or air conditioning can be most disconcerting.Although I’ve converted to ‘green’ cleaning products, these all have odours, often offensive odours. Their heightened sense of smell makes the kitchen, clean or otherwise, a place of torture to be avoided. I failed to understand the cumulative effect of all these different elements. I wondered why they often ran through the kitchen without pause but I didn’t connect the dots.

7. I would buy medicine suspension from the pharmacy without any medication in it. Then I would practice with the children so that they became used to the exercise of taking medicine. This would hopefully mean that when they were really ill, taking necessary medications would be far less traumatic for them.I had to learn the hard way about sensory integration, which is often an integral component of autism, but I’m learning to be more sensitive, I hope.

"Cheers dears"