I have been resentful of Americans for far longer than is strictly necessary. Foreigners often have a long list of complaints about their fellows but mine were quite narrowly tailored. I was jealous that everyone had family and friends for support, encouragement and far more importantly, baby sitting duties. I was so caught up in my own particular mire that I completely failed to notice some fundamentally simple principles.

Just because you are American there is no guarantee that you have family or friends, let alone anyone willing to baby sit from that pool. If your family has to jump on a plane to visit, then you might as well be in a different country in view of the time, expense and inconvenience. Families and friends rarely stay in the same spot and a five hour drive takes it’s toll on everyone.

It may be that Granny lives next door, but failing health may mean that she is unable to assist. Maybe she lives next door because she is in need of help herself? Sometimes relatives are only too happy to help. They have their own unique way of helping which does not necessarily match the parent’s plan, may jeopardize the parent’s plan. Quite often the parent’s plan is undermined or ignored. Frequently, everyone outside the immediate family unit are in agreement that the parent’s plan is ludicrous.

Other options can be few and far between. Sometimes Respite Care is available, for those that qualify, but subject to the whims of budgetary control, both externally via tax revenue and internally from a families’ ability to pay for the additional non-special needs child[ren]. It may take a considerable number of false starts to find that special person from the available pool of Respite workers who provides a good fit for any one particular family.

What other options are there? I would tentatively suggest another choice, especially for those that do not qualify for services. It may just be that you may be able to find another family who are similarly situated, especially if money is tight. Maybe I could offer my own experience?

I have a pal with two children, one on the spectrum. Initially this would seem like a poor match for me with two special needs children and one typically developing child. Alternatively, it would also seem like a heavy burden for my pal, not a good trade at all. I was dubious myself at first. Maybe my pal was a saint? She is, but we’ll gloss over that fact. If this seems like a plan doomed to failure that I would probably have to agree, but that just means that maybe you are a skeptic too. Alternatively it might also mean that you’re not quite desperate enough yet.

How could such a project possibly be successful? Daunting as it may seem, additional children in my household stir things up and not necessarily in a negative manner. Exposure to other children in the safety of their own home provides the perfect opportunity to practice those social skills close up and personal. Extra children rarely push parental buttons, I’m not the parent, I have different buttons and so far they don’t know where they are. It shakes up the family dynamics. Although there are always hic-cups, they’re not terminal.

If you are still doubtful, I would tentatively suggest that you have little to lose by giving it a try. Just think of all the things you could do in an hour and a half without children. If I spot you in a cafe house alone, with a cold cup of coffee staring at the ceiling, I’ll not say a word.

"Cheers dears"