mom26children's Journal

30 entries, last entry on May 11, 2008

A MOTHER'S DAY

May 11, 2008

A MOTHER'S DAY...

I was woken up at 6:30 this morning to a very stinky diaper followed by "happy humming" sounds. Being thrilled that Kiernan finally had a poopy diaper...yes, he has issues with pooping...but, so did Caitlin at that age and now she poops just fine (thanks for asking)..I got out of bed.I came downstairs to my breakfast waiting for me...Meaghan heard me get up and made me my Jenny Craig breakfast. I gained 12 pounds after surgery last year and have worked very hard to get the weight off...yeah, Jenny Craig. I walked into the utility room and to my surprise was 9 rolls of toilet paper that have been taken off of the roll....thanks, Kiernan...just what I wanted.Into the bathroom I find 1/2 of the bottle of shampoo I bought yesterday has been drained into the sink....yet again, Thanks Kiernan.As I am grilling tuna steaks and chicken breasts on our outdoor grill, Kiernan has been very busy in our garage freezer...looking for ice cream. He did not find any, but I had a lovely mess to clean up.Okay, to my point....yes, I have a point.I am a Mother EVERY DAY....I am not all up on MOTHER'S DAY....it really is a day for people to spend alot of money on women who really do not do this because we have to...we do this job because we love our children. I would not be the mother I am without the children I have. They test every limit I have and also reward me with their amazing talents and love. I don't take anything Kiernan does personally....he really does try hard...but with his sensory issues, he must try to soothe himself with whatever he finds...be it toilet paper, soap, or even ice cream. I waited until I was the ripe old age of 30 years old to have my first child...I am now 47 years old with 6 children. Thanks to all of them, everyday I have A MOTHER'S DAY.

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PRICELESS....

May 11, 2008

  Woken up at 6:30 am to a stinky pull-up and crying 7-year-old....

  Unwinding of 9 rolls of paper towels (off-brand, thank goodness)....

  1/2 of a bottle of Dove body wash (on-sale), down the sink....

  Toilet clogged with toilet paper and the roll it came off of....

  Stick of butter smeared across kitchen island....

  1 very strong attempt of saying "I LOVE YOU", by 1 very non-verbal child.....

 

  PRICELESS.

 

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GREAT GRAND PARENTS.....

April 27, 2008

  I was honored to spend the last 2 days in Huntsville, Tx.  I went to work with parent's and grandparent's at an autism workshop presented by the University of Texas Autism Program.  This is a non-profit, self-sustaining organization started by 2 women (Pam Buchanan, a lecturer at the University of Texas and Dr. Jody Jensen, a professor of Kinesiology at UT).  These 2 women have given their blood, sweat and tears for the last 12 years to this program.  Autism is their passion and they offer UTAP workshops in Sensory Integration Therapy and Play Therapy to families, educators, therapists and family members who are affected by or teach children with Autism.

  I have been honored to be asked to become a part of UTAP as a Parent Liason, so to speak.  We are now trying to find donors who would love to see the program continue.  The goal is 4.4 million dollars.....WHOA!

  I was at the workshop yesterday and amongst the activities were a very gentle-looking, much older couple.  I went over to meet them.  These wonderful people introduced themselves as the great-grandparent's of a young Autistic boy who was attending the program with not only them, but the grandparent's as well.  The young boy's parents are no where to be found.   This set of Great-grandparent's have been raising this little boy since he was 9-months old.......AMAZING.

  They looked at this little boy with all the love and joy ANY parent would look at a child of theirs.  I spent alot of time with these two loving people.

  This couple retired 10 years ago December.  They were happy to be able to rest and relax and enjoy their retirement.  Well, God had other plans.  2 months after they retired, entered the Great-grandson.  He had no where to go.  

  I believe this young man has made these "GREAT"-grandparent's really know what un-conditional love is.  They have had to learn patience along with having to learn how to parent a child with Autism.....yes, PARENT a child. 

  This little boy is well-fed, well-cared for and most of all well-loved by these 2 souls that God has picked to be his caretakers and his Guardian Angels at a time that he needs someone the most. 

  My wish, after meeting these two lovely people is....they live a very long life...they deserve to see the child they gave so much up for grow up and show them the lovely MAN they have helped to mold through their undying and unselfish unconditional Love.   I know I have become a better person for just meeting them...how lucky this young boy is for having them as "GREAT" "GRAND" "PARENTS"....

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LIFE IS A CAKEWALK.....

April 21, 2008

Cakewalk...

My life is a cakewalk compared to others I have met in my lifetime. And believe you me, I have met some winners. I do not know why, but people are drawn to me. Like I can solve every problem they have. I have no degree in anything but Agriculture Education ( a wasted degree, I might add). I swear I am not bragging, but it is true. People ask me questions, in the supermarket, in the mall, at the doctors, at school, etc. Like I will have the answers. I tell most of them who to ask and then explain that I just look intelligent.My youngest daughter asked me once why everyone talks to me. I explained that I have this aura of knowledge about me. This was after an elderly gentlemen, who was in the Coca-cola aisle with us, wanted to know why they started making Coke Zero. Down the aisle happened to be the Coca-Cola stocker. I told him that I did not know, let's ask the coke guy. The Coke guy didn't know. Oh well, I told the elderly gentleman, we shall never know....I have a friend who is raising her grandchild. He is an angry 13 year old young man. His mother abandoned him, his father is in prison. The grandparent's are doing the best they can. They are in their 60's and now retirement is out of the question. But, instead of blaming the daughter and son-in-law for the child's anger, they blame the school, the doctor's....anyone or anything but the parent's. They are doing the best they can. They have both aged tremendously in the last 2 years. These are wonderful people, who have now taken on a very heavy task. I wish them the best and will stand behind them, no matter what.I have another friend who is in her early 40's. A loving mother and wife. A volunteer at school. A good friend to me. She listens and does not judge. She seems like a rock. Last summer, she was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's Disease. That is a virtual death sentence. She is handling it the best she can. With dignity. She is my hero. I will do whatever she wants, when she asks me too. She is so early in the diagnosis, she is not wanting to deal with it. I have her back, and I hope she knows this.My best friend died in April, 2 years ago. April Fools Day to be exact. I did not think it was funny. I am sure she did. She had a stroke, in her sleep, and died instantly. She left behind 6 children, the youngest being severely autistic. The family is falling apart. She was only 47. That rocked my world like an earthquake. I have spoken with her family many times. I did not know her husband very well, just a few talks on the phone. I know he is having a hard time. I hope he finds his strength.At a volunteer's meeting yesterday at school, talking amongst all the women there ( there were no men present for some odd reason ), I came to find out who is on Prozac, Wellbutrin, etc. A plethera of medications among these women who are so depressed they cannot handle life without a pill. I don't mean to be judgemental. I just am. I am a "big Mouth". Cannot help it. That is just who I am. I asked them Why do you feel you need a pill? Every one answered that there is bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, etc in their family. They asked me what my doctor has me on. There is no way a mother of 6 children, most with autism, cannot be depressed. I explained that I have never been so depressed that I cannot see a way out of it. I pray to God every night, and I thank him every morning. I keep myself so busy, I do not find time to dwell on the negatives in life. There are so many other things to occupy my time. I suppose there is chemical imbalances that need medication. These wonderful mothers also complained of all of the horrible side effects that come with these pills. Weight gain, tiredness, lethargy, etc. I wonder if the bad outweighs the good. I guess so......I am blessed with a wonderful husband and 6 awesome children. We have no family support of any kind. My family cannot handle the autism, my husband's family are all gone or up North. My husband works 2 jobs and I take care of business at home. He demands nothing of me and I try not to demand anything of him. He is my rock.I have had many occurences in my life. I could be a whole OPRAH series....or Dr. Phil. I take all of these occurences as Life Lessons. I make myself better because of them. At least I hope I do.I hope one day, if not already, my children know that they are all a blessing to me and their father. I hope they feel every day the love we have for them. I hope they go to school and know someone at home adores them. I hope they know that no matter what they are or become, they are not a label, but functioning, caring, loving, productive human beings who make all who come in contact with them the better for it.

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A CHOIR OF ANGELS...

April 17, 2008

  I sat, in the audience, waiting for the choir to begin singing. 

  Deirdre walks out, front and center...a step ahead of the other 20 girls in the choir.

  She intently watches the Choir Director...waiting for her cue.

  The choir sang 3 songs for the UIL competition.  I could hear Deirdre's voice loud and clear.  She has the voice of an angel and the confidence of an adult. 

  I cannot tell you how proud of her I am....proud of a young girl who is becoming a young woman with more grace and dignity than should be required for an almost 14-year-old teenage girl.  As I drove home with 6 very giddy 13 and 14 year old girls, I thought back to the painfully shy little girl who was diagnosed with Asperger's just 5 years ago....

  NEED I SAY MORE...

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PIECE OUT....

April 12, 2008

My son, Little Patrick, was on the ToysRUs website today, trying to convince me that he needed to get 2 new wrestling figures...he is obsessed with the WWE and TNA. This little 8-year-old boy knows every wrestler ever...living or dead.Patrick noticed a puzzle piece with Autism written over it..they are donating money to Autism for the month of April, I believe (I could be wrong, so don't hold me to that).Patrick asked me why they have a puzzle piece for Autism...he said, "I am not a puzzle piece".I asked him, "If you are not a puzzle piece, then what are you"?Confidently he said, "DUH, I AM A BOY, A PERSON, YOU KNOW"!!!!!!YEAH, I KNOW !!!!!

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AND ALONG CAME A SPIDER...

April 12, 2008

AND ALONG CAME A SPIDER.....

And Along Came A Spider....Who Sat Down Beside Her....And Frightened Miss Muffet Away....BOO

 

These are the first lines in the play my son was

in called "Making Lemonade"....

The premise of this wonderful 2nd grade play was the many characters of Mother Goose who were mistreated or treated people badly got together and made lemonade out of lemons. They all gathered together and drank the lemonade and became friends.

Hence, the second lines of my amazing son...

It Certainly Changed My Bad Attitude

 

A couple of songs later, Patrick said his last lines...

And Along Came A Spider....

Who Sat Down Beside Her...

And Made A New FRIEND Today...

 

A lovely message, don't you think, to teach ALL children and ALL adults about getting along in this world. If we could all just sit, for one moment, and enjoy all of the wonderful qualities our children have, instead of focusing on all of the negatives.

This little boy, who is now 8 years old, has made his own lemonade out of lemons. He was diagnosed with Autism at 18 months. He was non-verbal until the age of 4 years old. He has worked hard on his Socialization skills and his Speech and Sensory issues. He is now fully inclusioned in regular ed classes without an aide....but, he is still Autistic and Amazing.

Now, off I go to make my LEMONADE...

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DEIRDRE'S POEM....

April 4, 2008

DEIRDRE'S POEM...

Deirdre wrote this poem when she was 8 years old. She wrote it for the 4th gradetalent show....she is now 13....This was written before we knew Deirdre was diagnosed with Asperger's...'My Autistic Sister'Autism silences your beautiful voiceFrom telling me what you are feelingWhat causes you to laughWhen I don't get the jokeTo the tears you shedWhen I don't know your painOr your favorite song andWhen you hug me when youFear the thunderstormsNot knowing what torments you so oftenKeeps me from comforting you.Although autism silences your voiceI see love in your gleaming smile.Even though I don't get your jokeI find myself laughing myself to tearsJust to see joy emblazoned on your face.You are my sisterAnd that is what defines youNot AUTISM.Needless to say, there was not a dry eye in the house.

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NOT BAD FROM A 10-year OLD...

April 4, 2008

MY JOB....IT IS DONE...

Meaghan wrote this for Language Arts Class...after I read it, I realized...MY JOB..IT IS DONE...A world without somebody is a missing puzzle piece, not a complete circle, a rose, withoutpetals. But, when everybody is here it's complete happiness. Some kind of difference wouldbe nice...but I know I want things to change. But, I don't know what.I have the world at my fingertips and the world can change. Me, myself, can do somethingbeautiful and I did.It took me months to figure this something out, and I got for that a pocketful of sunshine.My plan was to put a smile on everyone's face to make their day worthwhile. My dream is for everybody to pass it on. To give flowers...to give Love....to put a smile on their faces.To give and to give until you cannot give any more. That is what I want.Something unbelievable happened. My dream came true. I DID IT. I made a difference in the world.Not too bad from a 10 year old girl. I know through this, we have taught her well.

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WORLD AUTISM DAY...

April 2, 2008

Well, I guess you have heard that today is World Autism Day as sanctioned by the United Nations.  I am really happy that most of the coverage I have seen is portraying positive sides of Autism. 

For the last 17 years, my family has celebrated World Autism Day EVERY DAY.  We have been priveleged to promote a more positive approach of Autism for these 17 years.  We have been working hard to be positive role models for Autism.  So far, I believe we have.

Our children have been taught there is nothing they cannot do.  They need to work a little bit harder, perhaps, than some of their peers, but they step up to the challenge every time.

I have been worried about how Autism would be portrayed today...WORLD AUTISM DAY...and am thrilled that it is not the "gloom and doom" that we have been so accustomed to.  No where on television have I seen a meltdown, screaming fit, head-banging portrayal of Autism.  Instead, I am seeing authors, artists, musicians, and positive role models of Autism....especially the Adults with Autism.

Thank Goodness, nowhere, did I see a child throwing a fit while wearing a tee shirt proclaiming their bad behaviors were because of their Autism.   I did not see mothers and fathers crying because they have lost the dream of having a "perfect" child. 

I hope, after today, all parent's and professionals who live with Autism or work with a person with Autism will find the positive side to these amazing people.  Instead of dwelling on the negative behaviors, look inside the person and find the true beauty of their existence.....

 

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ONE MORE TIME...

March 30, 2008

  When our oldest, Caitlin, was 7 years old, she decided it was time for her "terrible two's"..so to speak.  Caitlin became a destructive, temper-tantrum-throwing, pain-in-the-seven-year-old-you know what.

  We weathered through 2 years of this behavior, and lo-and-behold, Caitlin started talking.  Away went her frustrations and her anger at not being able to get her point across.  She became an amazing student and a wonderful little person to be around.  No more scratching, kicking and biting.  We were able to enjoy Caitlin and most important, she was able to enjoy us.

  10-years later.....ONE MORE TIME....enter Kiernan.

  Kiernan turned 7 years old on 3/20/08.....he has always been one to pour coffee, soda, water or anything in a cup or can when someone wasn't watching him close enough. But now....we are pouring liquid soap, shampoo, body lotions, etc.  He ispulling his pants down and peeing on the floor, rather than in the toilet. He is spitting, scratching and attempting to bite (he really isn't agressive and is quite poor at it, Thank God).  He is trying to get every pretzel or cracker out of the package and crushing them between his fingers. 

  I know now, after 10 years, this is all a craving for sensory.  I know this, thanks to Caitlin, that this is a phase that he will get over eventually. And, thank Goodness, phases end.  But, it takes every ounce of patience and energy I have to get through them.  I know I will, but say a little prayer for my sanity anyways.

  At this moment, he is taking a well-needed nap.  He has worn himself out.  I brushed his body with his brush and massaged his feet...his favorite thing.  It knocked him right out.  I see him sleeping peacefully and Thank God he is my child.  I am in love with every part of his being....as well as my other children, in case you need to ask.  But, this boy needs us more than ever right now.  He is beauty far beyond what beauty should be....and I know this won't be our only ONE MORE TIME moment.

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MY AHA! MOMENT...

March 28, 2008

  Today, as I was spending yet another day at the grocery store, spending another large amount of money on groceries, I had an amazing AHA! moment (I should be on OPRAH soon with this one).

  An elderly, disabled gentleman was helping me out with my groceries...calling him a "bagboy" would be demeaning..he was so much more.

  He told me he recognized me and wanted to know how the kids were...I told him they were doing great and thanks for asking.  This gentleman then went on to tell me his life story and how he was institutionalized as a child until he was 18 years old.  He then decided to go onto college.  He earned a degree in social work in the 1960's.  Because of his emotional issues, he has had a hard time holding on to a job.  Now, he has been with this grocery store chain for 10 years...his longest job ever.

  I went on to tell him about my aspirations and how I got to be where I am today....

  I graduated college with a degree in Agriculture Education.  I hated my degree and never, ever have used the degree.  I then went to work with children and young adults with Autism at a residential treatment center.  I loved that job, until I realized the focus was not on the children, but the money they brought in....I became disheartened.

  Soon, I found myself in the hotel business...I loved that job also...I became quite good at my job and would still be doing that for my profession if not for giving birth to a beautiful little girl...who happened to need me.

  I gave birth to 6 more children, 5 who happen to have Autism.....I never, ever gave a moments thought to why I gave birth to children with Special Needs.  I always knew I had a reason to be on this planet...this must be the reason.

  I went on to tell this lovely man, at the grocery store, that at that very moment I knew my purpose here on Earth....my purpose for being...my purpose that I have always wondered about.....

  God has given me the responsibility that he decided I could handle......the responsibility to be the Mother to 6 of the most amazing children on this planet.  The responsibility to make sure they succeed and be the best that they can be in this life.  There is nothing more important of a job, on this Earth, that I can think of that I would want to do.  I truly do thank God every day for giving me this responsiblity and promise that I will never let my children down.

  Next time I see my new friend at the grocery store....I will let him know what our conversation has taught me.  I will let him know  what a difference he made in my life on this day.

 

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A BETTER ME....

March 24, 2008

I always wondered what my career would be when I got older, you know, reached adulthood. I went to college to become an Agriculture Education Teacher. I was 21 years old and did not take to high school children very well. That career lasted 1 looonnnggg year. That summer I worked at a residential treatment center for emotionally disturbed children. I loved that job. It was hard and the pay sucked. But, the pay was better than working at a fast-food place. I met alot of great people. I met even better children. I quit that job after 5 years. I became disillusioned by the fact that they sent these children home after insurance ran out. They sent them back to the people who caused their problems in the first place.Now, what do I do with my life? Ah, I will go apply to work at a hotel reservations center. I am only 26 years old. I have plenty of time to find my place in life. Don't I?I worked for the reservations center for 2 years. I was promoted 3 times. I became liked and respected there. I had the opportunity to go far. But, I still had an itch to scratch. I wanted to live in New York City. I always lived in Texas. I needed to fly. I had no boyfriend, no children. What was stopping me? A job maybe ?I flew to NYC and landed a job in one week. At the largest hotel in Manhattan. I started on the bottom at the age of 27. I worked my way up to floor supervisor. I made great money. For 3 years I lived in Manhattan and was a true New York working Woman.Then fate stepped in. On the elevator going to a New Year's Eve party, in the very hotel I worked, I met the man I would marry. I had just turned 29.In less than a year I was married and pregnant and living in Brooklyn.  What can I say, I work fast. I was the happiest I had ever been. I decided to quit my job and stay at home with my new baby.Enter new baby.....Screaming, wiggling, non-sleeping baby. I did not know what I was doing wrong. We went to the doctor often. Not easy going from Brookly to Manhattan with a screaming child on the subway. But the subway calmed her. I spent alot of time on subways, just to calm her down.My father became terminally ill. We decided to move back to Texas. We drove half way across America in a UHaul. It was an amazing ride. America is gorgeous and the people we met were as generous and beautiful in every state we crossed.Caitlin did not do much better as she got older. She became less social and still not a word came out of her mouth. Doctor after Doctor told us she would talk. We got tubes, no words.Finally, at the age of 2 1/2, she was diagnosed with autism. AUTISM.AUTISM. AUTISM.We had no money, no computer, and no idea what we were getting into.We went to the big library downtown every Saturday. I read every book there was to read about AUTISM. They all said the same thing. THERE IS NO CURE. Damn......As I read, doctors were saying that we should do nutrients. We should do B12 shots. We should change the diet to GFCF. We did try it all. Nothing worked.As Caitlin grew, so did our family. It grew from 1 autistic children to 5 autistic children. All of them different. All of them uniquely their own. All of them AUTISTIC. In this mix is one "typical" child. Meaghan is so far from typical. But she is not autistic. She is social, funny, angry, flirty, comical, etc. She makes our family what it is.Honestly, I would not change a thing in my life. I would do it all exactly the same. I would be a little neater, maybe..... But, now at least I know what I will be when I grow up. I will be the best mother, wife, friend that I can be. I will be an expert in Autism. I will be a leader in the autism community. I will show parent's of other autistic children that their world did not just end. It just began. Mine began at 30 years of age. I became a better person with autism. I became a better mother. I became a better me.

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THE AUTISM AROUND ME....

March 21, 2008

The AUTISM Around Me.....

As I sit here in the dining room, I am watching my youngest son Kiernan lining up Dragonball Z toys. He is very careful in his endeavor and not one is out of line. While lining up the toys he is humming.I know many parent's of autistic children who would think this behavior is inappropriate. My question is WHY? Why is his lining up toys and humming inappropriate? Is it any different than someone else doing a jigsaw puzzle? I have observed many people do jigsaw puzzles in my 47 years. Some people separate the pieces before doing the puzzle by color. Some people do the outside of the puzzle first. Some people just go into the box and go to it.....Which way is the correct way?Who told parent's of autistic children that certain behaviors are not acceptable in society? Isn't our society full of diverse people? Isn't that what makes a society?I love when Caitlin buzzes while watching her favorite movie on her DVD player. I love how she still flaps and jumps when she is happy. I think that is what makes Caitlin her unique self.Sure she gets stared at in the grocery store when she does this behavior, but frankly, who cares?I love how Deirdre looks when she is about to ask a question and she is not quite sure how you will answer it....I love that Deirdre could care less what brand of jeans you buy her or what haircut is the latest style. I love that Deirdre is obsessed with the Beatles so much, that she thinks she discovered them.I love how Erin believes she will be the next American Idol. I love how she sings at the top of her lungs. I adore how sweet she is with her friends. I still think it is amazing how she can calm herself by rubbing a soft piece of fabric or wrapping herself in a blanket.I love how Meaghan can be as sassy as a 15 year old and still have the innocence of a 10 year old. I love how people flock around Meaghan and think she is the coolest person alive...which she is by the way.I love how little Patrick makes his wrestling toys wrestle in a ring like the professionals. I love how he knows every word to every Country song. How he can memorize the top 20 country music countdown every week.I love how Kiernan bounces on his big red ball and giggles in glee. I love how Kiernan picks through his lucky charms and puts them all in piles of color. I love how Kiernan gets hugs from all the little girls at school and looks at them so oddly.Kiernan has alot of the behaviors at the age of 7 that Caitlin had at the same age. Now, at 17, Caitlin's behaviors have calmed down or stopped. She does still flap and buzz when she needs to. This is okay. She does the buzzing to drown out sounds she does not want to hear. She flaps when she is very happy and needs to release her happiness.What kind of parent would that make me if I demanded she stop this behavior?I have been the parent of an autistic child for 17 years. I have learned in this time to accept and relish every moment with these children. I have learned that it is not for my children to be accepted by society, but for society to accept my children.This will happen...and it will happen in MY children's lifetime.

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AUTISM 101...

March 18, 2008

Autism is big news lately. It is everywhere. I was watching VH1 classics yesterday, and lo and behold....Autism.Autism is not new to me. I have been around someone with autism from the age of 11. There has always been someone with autism in my life at one time or another. From babysitting to working at a residential treatment center to giving birth to 5.What is new to me is the fighting amongst the Autism communities. First there is the biomedical vs. the Neurodiverse... Second is the adults with autism vs the parent's of autistic children... Third is the bickering between the different Autism associations;ie, CAN, NAAR, Autism Speaks, etc... Autism to me is simple....it does not take a college course to understand.Watching Caitlin, at a young age, seeing the tiny dust particles in the air and dancing around them....laughing at something so tiny that other's just never take the time to notice. Watching Kiernan pour water from one cup to another, barely with a drop of water falling out. Seeing the joy this brings him.Listening to Erin sing for 30 minutes in the shower in such a high tone without a care in the world...if we could all be that happy.Watching Patrick with his wrestling figures during one of his make-believe matches. This from a boy whose playskills were nil just 2 years ago.Handing Deirdre the phone after she receives a phone call from one of her many friends. Remembering last year how painfully anti-social she was, and now has become this carefree social butterfly. My children with autism have all come so far, in such a short amount of time. This happens, I believe, from Early Interventions such as Occupational Therapy, Play Therapy, Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy, etc.This happens from inclusion with Neurotypical peers in regular education classrooms...I do not believe in segregating autistic children away from NT peers. Life is not segregated, why should school be?We were approached by an Autism "Specialty" School in Austin when Caitlin was 3 years old. I was invited to come and observe a classroom they would like Caitlin to be enrolled in. I saw not only behaviors similar to Cady's, but new behaviors I did not want her to bring home.Caitlin has been enrolled in regular education classes since she was 6 years old. Before that, she was the ONLY autistic child in her Early Childhood Classes.Caitlin has flourished and learned so much from NT children. Her peers nurture and correct her in public if her behaviors are disturbing. Caitlin takes their cues well and alters her behavior when necessary. I can take all of my children out in public without meltdowns. They know how to behave in public...when they were young, if they started to scream or misbehave in a public situation, we would leave the situation. We do not throw a tee-shirt on them as an excuse for them to misbehave. We do not hand out little business cards to explain their behaviors. We do not glare at people who look at our children strangely for noticing their stimming and humming. People are curious....Autism is not focusing on why my children are different, but focusing on what makes them all unique and special individuals who have so much to offer now and in the future.We are so very lucky have been given the opportunity to be the parent's of these children. I thank God every day for this opportunity. I hope they are as proud of us as we are of them.

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AUTISM 101...

March 10, 2008

Autism is big news lately. It is everywhere. I was watching VH1 classics yesterday, and lo and behold....Autism.Autism is not new to me. I have been around someone with autism from the age of 11. There has always been someone with autism in my life at one time or another. From babysitting to working at a residential treatment center to giving birth to 5.What is new to me is the fighting amongst the Autism communities.First there is the biomedical vs. the Neurodiverse...Second is the adults with autism vs the parent's of autistic children...Third is the bickering between the different Autism associations;ie, CAN, NAAR, Autism Speaks, etc...Autism to me is simple....it does not take a college course to understand.Watching Caitlin, at a young age, seeing the tiny dust particles in the air and dancing around them....laughing at something so tiny that other's just never take the time to notice. Watching Kiernan pour water from one cup to another, barely with a drop of water falling out. Seeing the joy this brings him.Listening to Erin sing for 30 minutes in the shower in such a high tone without a care in the world...if we could all be that happy.Watching Patrick with his wrestling figures during one of his make-believe matches. This from a boy whose playskills were nil just 2 years ago.Handing Deirdre the phone after she receives a phone call from one of her many friends. Remembering last year how painfully anti-social she was, and now has become this carefree social butterfly.My children with autism have all come so far, in such a short amount of time.This happens, I believe, from Early Interventions such as Occupational Therapy, Play Therapy, Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy, etc.This happens from inclusion with Neurotypical peers in regular education classrooms...I do not believe in segregating autistic children away from NT peers. Life is not segregated, why should school be?We were approached by an Autism "Specialty" School in Austin when Caitlin was 3 years old. I was invited to come and observe a classroom they would like Caitlin to be enrolled in. I saw not only behaviors similar to Cady's, but new behaviors I did not want her to bring home.Caitlin has been enrolled in regular education classes since she was 6 years old. Before that, she was the ONLY autistic child in her Early Childhood Classes.Caitlin has flourished and learned so much from NT children. Her peers nurture and correct her in public if her behaviors are disturbing. Caitlin takes their cues well and alters her behavior when necessary.I can take all of my children out in public without meltdowns. They know how to behave in public...when they were young, if they started to scream or misbehave in a public situation, we would leave the situation. We do not throw a tee-shirt on them as an excuse for them to misbehave.  We do not hand out little business cards to explain their behaviors.  We do not glare at people who look at our children strangely for noticing their stimming and humming.  People are curious....Autism is not focusing on why my children are different, but focusing on what makes them all unique and special individuals who have so much to offer now and in the future.We are so very lucky have been given the opportunity to be the parent's of these children.  I thank God every day for this opportunity.  I hope they are as proud of us as we are of them.

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PLAYING FAVORITES...

March 4, 2008

PLAYING FAVORITES...

I have been going to the same grocery store for 11 years now, since their Grand Opening 11 summers ago...At check out the other day, Lucy, one of my favorite checkers asked me if I had a favorite child....she has never had a child, so does not know the bond of a mother and her children...I answered, " Lucy, picking a favorite child would be like picking my favorite George Strait song....cannot be done"...Let's see,Amarillo by Morning, The Fireman, Baby Blue, Check Yes or No, The Chair, Pure Country, Texas Cookin'....man, I just cannot decide. I love them all the same. Each song has a special place in my brain for the first time I ever heard it.I would probably pick Amarillo by Morning, because that was the first song I ever heard George sing live....We could go hear him sing for $1.00 per person. Free beer for ladies. Not good beer, but FREE beer....means alot to a college student.George was humble even back then. He would pose for pictures and sign autographs. The bigger he became, the greater his talent became.I thank George for alot of memories. Some good, some not so good. But memories I have thanks to George.Now, back to my children.....Caitlin..first-born. She taught me how hard it was to be a Mommy..I thank her for that. She paved the way for the rest. She taught me that I do not need to "cure" her, but to teach her to be a person who will succeed in society....she is doing Great.Deirdre...second-born. This child has NEVER given us a moment of trouble. She has been calm and sweet from the day she was born. She is smarter than any human I have ever met.....she makes me so happy.Erin...third-born. She made me wake up again with Autism. She was loud from birth, but has blossomed into a sweet and thoughtful little girl. She is loved by all who she comes in contact with. A sweeter soul I have never met.Meaghan...fourth-born. This child is a red-headed firecracker. She keeps me on my toes and I love it. Ask me again when she is a teen-ager.....hopefully, she will keep me young.Patrick....fifth-born, first son. No one touches a mother's heart like a son. He grabbed my heart at birth and has not let go. I feel badly for the woman he brings home to marry....let's just say, it won't be pretty....and Kiernan...sixth-born, last child. This little man will always be my baby. He is gentle of soul, but one non-stop whirl of activity. He will give you a hug and a kiss without a blink, but then, he is gone.....he makes me smile.So, in conclusion...as you can see, I have trouble picking favorites. I find something wonderful in all of my children. They all bring a different flavor to the table. They complete my soul and fill my heart. I am blessed to have been given the opportunity to have given birth to each and every one of them.I hope they know this......I know I tell them.

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EMBRACING AUTISM...

March 2, 2008

EMBRACING AUTISM...

When Caitlin was first diagnosed with Autism, way back in 1994, my first reaction was shock. As time went by, my shock turned to sadness. I don't know why I was sad, but I felt a loss for Caitlin.After the sadness, I realized I needed to become more knowledgeable about Autism, so off to the downtown library we went. Every Saturday morning, after breakfast, a very pregnant me, Caitlin and Patrick went to the big library...they had a larger choice of books about Autism (which was slim pickings, by the way). I read every book there was to read on Autism....scared the heck out of me.I remember after reading the Parent's Guide to Autism...I was thrilled. It gave step-by-step instructions on how to handle your emotions with Autism.I was up to the loss part....Next came anger. The book stated that it would be a good idea to call everyone you know with a "normal" child and let them know that you will be distancing yourself from them for a while. You did not need to hear all of the milestones their child was going through, while your child was struggling. OK, so I got mad. I thought I had to fight for everything. I thought it was okay for me to let Caitlin run wild in the doctors office, at the mall, at the grocery store.....all because she has Autism, I could let her behavior be horrible.....Caitlin started Early Childhood at the age of 3. Her teacher was Mary Allen. She was perfect for Caitlin. Caitlin would try to pull her crap with Mary, and Mary would not have it. Mary DID NOT let Caitlin's autism be an excuse for her bad behavior. It was through Mary Allen that I learned that Caitlin did not have bad behavior, just because she had Autism.Once I saw what Caitlin was capable of, my anger flew out the window. I learned how amazingly smart she was. She was reading, writing and communicating through sign language and PECS before she was 4 years old. This child's brain was enormous and just because she was non-verbal, she could communicate finally. That opened a huge door for Caitlin.Caitlin was the role model for us to use with our subsequent children. She was the one who taught us that it is okay to embrace the Autism...not hate it. Once we let Caitlin "shine" and show us the true person she was meant to be, she became calmer. We are always commented on the good behavior of our children, out in public...at home, they are siblings who argue and bicker. They are reminded to pick up their rooms and put their dishes in the dishwasher. Caitlin and Kiernan are allowed to stim and allowed to be their "autistic" selves. Deirdre is a true teen-ager with all the angst that includes. She is sure we are "stupid" and she will teach us to be smarter. She has her group of friends and loves the church and her church family.Erin, Patrick and Meaghan always have friends over and on Saturday, I had 12 children in my home for a play date. Their friends are not on the spectrum, yet consider my children peers and never judge them for their differences. They help them when needed. My children have great friends.I am NOT saying that you should not help your child with Autism, we work very hard with Speech, OT, PT, Play Therapy, Sensory Integration Therapy, Recreational Therapy, Music Therapy and Massage Therapy. We want our children to be able to go out into society and have the skills they need to succeed. They are working very hard at this.My final step, in learning to help my child(ren) with Autism was to learn to Embrace the Autism itself. My children were put here for me to be their mother for a reason. I have learned that they are each an individual first and I needed to learn how to nurture their individual needs.God gave me these amazing children and with the children came Autism. I could "hate" the Autism, but in turn, I would not be the best mother I could be. Instead, I "embrace" the autism and with that I embrace the children that were meant to be.....SUPERB!

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A HELPING HAND...

February 29, 2008

A HELPING HAND...

Caitlin, our 17 year old, and myself were sitting in the dentist's office on Tuesdaymorning. Caitlin was waiting patiently to have her teeth cleaned and one filling.I had my notepad and was taking notes about all of my children's improvementsand also, what they need to improve on.Caitlin was reading my notes and she suddenly blurts out..."I HAVE AUTISM".I said, "yes, you do".She shook her head up and down.I asked her if she was okay with that...??She said, "yes".When Caitlin transitioned from Early Intervention to Elementary School andan Early Childhood program, we had no idea what to ask for or even what todo. Alot of educators had no idea what to do with an Autistic child in 1994, muchless the parent's.Our first ARD (Admission, Review and Dismissal) was an eye-opener in whatwe could ask for and/or what we could get the school system to agree with in theeducation of our amazingly gifted daughter.Fortunately for us and Caitlin, it did not take them very long to figure out thatjust because she was not verbal, she was smarter than most of the people inthese ARD's...which they quickly agreed.As Caitlin grew up and progressed, the more ARD's we had to attend. Now,we attend up to 12 ARD's a year.This year we have a transition ARD for our 5th grader going into Middle School.That one will be a piece of cake.On Friday, I was approached by a mother of a child who will also be transitioninginto the same Middle School as Erin.....this mother seems nervous about her sonattending Middle School. It is quite a shocker to go to the Middle School...so intimidatingbecause it is so much bigger.Summitt Elementary, where our children are in the 5th grade, is a nurturing and lovingenvironment. Sometimes, Middle School is not.Fortunately, I love the Middle School our children attend. The faculty and staff sawthe greatness in both of my older children who have attended there. They speakhighly of our children.I asked this mother, who is not so sure of her transition ARD, if she would like meto attend with her. She said, "are you sure"? "aren't you very busy"?Never too busy to help another parent...isn't that what it is all about?Is it not our duty as parent's with children with autism to reach out and help thoseparent's who come after us....????To support and help them?My friends are sometimes amazed that I will hand out my phone number and email addressto people who approach me in public. People who just want someone to help them or justto listen to them about their child with Autism. I must get 10 to 20 calls a week from parent's who have a child with Autism and justwant someone to listen who has been there.There is alot of anger out in the world of Autism.Parent's angry that they have a child with Autism.Parent's angry at other parent's for trivial things such as diet andother interventions.Parent's angry at their spouses for not "helping" enough.Parent's angry at their friends for not understanding the complicationsthere are to raising a child with Autism.I stepped away from the anger a while ago....it was not a good placeto be. I stopped being angry at the Autism and decided to focus onthe good that my children possess....man, do they possess alot of good.I am often asked, "how do you do it"?My answer, "I just do".My children did not ask to be born. I chose to have every one of thesewonderful people. It is my job, as their mother, to make sure they succeedand are accepted in this world. I am very lucky, they are great kids.I have been far more blessed to be in their presence and I know other's feelthe same when they meet my children.

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RIGHT ON TARGET...

February 28, 2008

RIGHT ON TARGET...

I was out shopping today at Caitlin's favorite store...Target. I was buying last minute items for school. Caitlin's shoes...which she is so picky about, Meaghan's undies, and socks for the boys.We were recognized a handful of times by some other shoppers. They congratulated us on our new home and told us how beautiful our children are.Upon checking out, I noticed a tall young man in front of me. He wanted a soda. The young lady with him told him he had enough sugar for the day and could have water. He shook his head up and down in agreement. This young woman then asked the young man to move forward so I could put my items on the belt. He obliged. He then started to smile, then giggle, then flap his hands in front of his face....Ah...AUTISM.I asked the young lady how old he was. She told me 16. I asked what grade...she told me 10th...Exactly like Caitlin.I turned around and Caitlin was giggling and flapping her hands in a very similar way as the young man. When we were leaving the store, Deirdre asked me if the young man I was speaking with was autistic. I told her yes. She said, "I thought so, because he acted alot like Caitlin".It pleases me to see these young adults out in public. Not wearing their pants so low that you can see their butts...not yelling obscenities at each other....not needing to defy authority in any way, shape or form....Just young people happy to be at one of their favorite stores...lightly buzzing and flapping their hands. Two 16 -year old teens behaving and waiting their turns until they will be rewarded with a cold drink. I realize people want more for their children. I do too. I expect all of my children to attend college. They do not have to attend Yale, but Harvard would be nice.I expect them all to contribute to society in whatever they are capable of doing. I would expect this if they were not autistic...so this label does not stop me from wanting the same results from them.Caitlin-10th gradeDeirdre-8th gradeErin-5th gradeMeaghan-4th gradePatrick-2nd grade andKiernan-1st grade.These children will be expected to remain on the honor roll, have great behaviors at school and continue their extracurricular activities. So far, we are RIGHT ON TARGET.....

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AUTISTIC TENDENCIES...

February 27, 2008

Autistic Tendencies...

When our first child was diagnosed, the doctor was relunctant to give the Autism diagnosis. It wasn't so easy to get 14 years ago. Not like now. It seems that anyone can have the diagnosis now.Anyhow, We got the "Your daughter has Autistic Tendencies...."I remember walking to the car, with husband and daughter in tow. What did he just tell us? Was she autistic or not? We came back 2 weeks later, with all test results in hand. Blood, EEG, EKG, MRI, etc. It was decided, Caitlin had Autism. Well, thank God we had a label. We always knew she had something, but now we had a LABEL.Now what? What do we do? Every Saturday was spent at the big library downtown. We checked out every book ever written on autism, not many I might add. I always say that "we read too much".. We started believing everything we read.We read to change the diet, to give nutrients, to try to stop her buzzing, flapping, and jumping.Basically, we were told to stop everything that made her AUTISTIC.After many months of these crazy alternatives, we decided to let Caitlin be Caitlin. I know, crazy idea, but that is what we decided.Guess what?No really, guess what?We got a much calmer child. We got a child that was so tired of being poked and prodded. We got a child who responded to hugs and kisses. We got a child who loved going to school. Who thrived while being taught by amazing teachers. We got a much more stable home life. We got a happier and healthier child.Caitlin's focus was much better at school when we just let her be. Caitlin's flapping and buzzing are what is her. And at the ripe old age of 17, she still does it. It is what is her. I do not understand why that is something that should be taken away from her. It is what calms her down and lets her function in our society.All of our autistic children have some form of stimming. Some are more pronounced than others. Some are so subtle, you probably wouldn't notice. Sometimes, it is so loud, you cannot help but join in.I just wonder that if every person had the ability to buzz and flap to control their behavior, would we have less road rage? Would we have less abuse to each other as humans? If we all took the time to flap and buzz, would we not then have the ability to drown out what bothers us in this world? Next time you get angry at the driver in front of you, you know the one yacking on his/her cell phone, just roll down your window and buzz.....Next time you get upset at the teller at the bank, (you know the one doing her job) just stand in line and flap and buzz......Next time you read of another child that is not allowed to be autistic, stand up and flap and buzz........I know I will......

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DREAMS DO COME TRUE....

February 26, 2008

One Can Only Dream....

I woke up this morning with my 13-year old standing over me...She asks me, "It is 7:10, why are you still asleep?". I told her, "because George Strait and I are grocery shopping together...".She is our Asperger's child. To Deirdre, I am just plain weird. She is the on-time, can't be late for the bus child. I told her I had her clothes laid out, go get dressed and I will get you breakfast. We had her out the door by 7:20. Bus came at 7:23. I know she is still mad at me.But, I cannot help when I dream. I have dreamt big my whole life. I do not dream small dreams. I dream of George, John Travolta, John Goodman (whom I adore by the way), Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc. I remember every dream and every detail of every dream.I dreamed that we were on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Ty Pennington showed up, and I refused to answer the door. I did not have a bra on....I won't do that to anyone. Not even Ty......I dreamt that my parent's and myself were driving in Brooklyn. My father got lost and drove off a cliff (in Brooklyn?). I told them I loved them and would see them later....then the car hit the ground. We all survived. I live large in real life. I give my all to all that come into our life. I try to be the best friend, wife, mother, daughter that I can be. I was not always this way. I was selfish. It was about me....Now, I make a conscious effort to make it about others. We have been blessed with 6 wonderful children. They are all unique and wonderfully blessed with their father's intelligence (thank God). We have tried to keep the positive in our lives. This means having to rid our lives of toxic people (some of them relatives). We have enough to deal with in our home, we do not need anyone else's dysfunction.We have an amazing group of friends. People who don't judge us. People who know when we might need a bit of help. The only family member who is around is my mother. She does the best she can do. It is hard for her to watch her grandchildren. She doesn't understand the autism. But, I give her alot of credit for hanging in there.The most positive motivator in my life, my husband. He gets up every morning after 4 to 5 hours of sleep, gets us off to school, goes to work. He comes home around 6pm, gets dressed and goes off to his second job. We get to see him on Saturdays. That is our family day...don't mess with us on Saturdays. He is our hero. He has never questioned why his children are autistic. He requires them to be the best they can be, NO MATTER WHAT!!!I don't dream about having another life, just adding to my already incredible one. I don't dream that George Strait and I are on a date, just grocery shopping together. I don't dream that John Travolta and I are in love, just flying together in an airplane. All innocent meetings in innocent places.One can only dream......

Since I first wrote this in 2006, my family was blessed with receiving the Extreme Makeover Home.  So, as you see, dreams really do come true...

I am still waiting for George Strait, John Travolta, John Goodman, Dr. Phil and most important OPRAH...I will be on the OPRAH show. Mark my word.

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DANCING WITH THE O'DONNELL'S

February 26, 2008

Dancing With the O'Donnell's

I admit it, I have one very small addictive quality in my life...Okay, 2, but the wine doesn't count.I HAVE TO watch Dancing with the Stars. I adore ballroom dancing. Yes, me...the new wave queen of the 1980's. Me, the one with the purple and blue hair. I was trying to look like Superman in the comics. He had black hair with the blue streaks. My hair is so dark ,when they bleached it to put the blue in, it all washed out. I looked like a skunk. But, A cool skunk....Yet, in the back of my very punk rock mind, was a ballroom dancer.My children and I love the dancing. We all get up and try our hardest to be just as good (or bad, depending on your point of view) as the stars. We are AWESOME....Picture this-1 extremely devoted mother (who really thinks she can dance), 2 extremely autistic children (led by one really devoted mother), 2 mildly autistic children (completely in their element), 1 Asperger's child (completely not wanting to be with us) and 1 NT child, who is relishing in the fact that she can help, dancing to our heart's content....Now that is Dancing with the O'Donnell's......And it is pure HEAVEN.

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The World According To Deirdre...

February 26, 2008

The World According to Deirdre.... Our second born child was almost too perfect from the day she was born. She came into the world, very quietly, in a birthing center. No drugs, no screaming....just water and a tub.I labored quietly for 6 hours. It was very calm.Deirdre slept through the night the first day she was born. I liked that. The midwives do not. They wanted me to wake her up, during the night, and feed her. I obliged.Deirdre also did not scream. Our first born was constantly screaming. Not Deirdre, she actually cooed very early.By 6 months, she was talking. REALLY.She was always a bit quirky, but not enough to make us worried. You know, the facial twitches, the flicking of the fingers, the awkward social demonstrations. We just thought she was different.When our 3rd daughter was 6 years old, they sent home a questionaire about Asperger's for her. As I read through the questionaire, it dawned on me that this was not Erin at all....IT WAS DEIRDRE.Wow, how did we go 9 years and not realize she was autistic?We were used to a certain kind of autism, not Asperger's. We had a pediatric neurologist give her a proper diagnosis, but we were still stunned.Then it hit us, "Why not Deirdre?" We had already had 4 others diagnosed by then. Why wouldn't she have autism also? It did not change who she was the past 9 years, it just helped us better understand why she did certain things. Asperger's did not define Deirdre, it just put a footnote on who she is.Deidre is:Greek Mythology-She won a National contest last year(no big surprise)Egyptian MythologyViolinGreenday-I still have no idea who they are...The Democratic Party-yes, 2 Republican's can breed a DemocratWorld PeaceGreen PeaceBlue Jeans and Tee shirts every day of the weekI can honestly say that Deirdre has never given us one bit of trouble. She has been mellow and sweet her whole life. She has found a circle of friends who are a bit like her. A bit off the beaten path. I like these people..they don't let people make them anything they are not. Not too easy for 8th Graders. Such mature girls. I wish I had that ability as a middle-schooler. Would have saved years of angst.Deirdre is going to go far in life. She knows this and reminds me often...I do not let her know that I already figured that out.

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THE BEAUTY INSIDE...

February 25, 2008

The Beauty Inside....

I am watching my oldest daughter from our front window. It is raining, not her favorite thing. But, she has come a long way from the little girl who would cringe with the sound of thunder.She is standing outside waiting patiently for her bus. She does not like to wait. Since it is raining, the bus will be late. She keeps coming to the window to peer inside to check the time. She is a stickler for time, always has been.I watch her with awe. 15 years ago, I did not know what was to become of her. I was told "autism" and basically, "Good luck to ya"....The doctors did not have much knowledge with autism. Remember, it was 1 in 10,000. You were told to go to the neurologist. The neurologist sent you to the OT, PT, and Speech therapists. I believe these people saved her life and gave us the door to better things. There were no groups, with the exception of Autism Society of America, and Dr. Rimland's group Autism Research Institute. My husband and I went to the downtown library every Saturday and checked out the minimal books on autism. I read them all. They did not have very positive words in those books. They basically prepared you to have your child packing for a group home or state institution. Neither of which was an option in our home.Caitlin was non-verbal and occasionally she would get some words. She would lose them eventually, but we were used to that. She had her fits in the grocery store and restaurants. We would graciously leave when these happened. No big deal....could you put this in a to-go box for us......We were forever told, what a gorgeous child. It is a shame she will never know how beautiful she is. Or, my favorite, "at least she looks normal".The sad part of all that people see is that they do not see the "beauty" inside of Caitlin. They see her amazing hazel eyes. They see her gorgeous long brown hair, which she refuses to let me cut. They see her laughing out of context. They hear her buzzing "like a bee" ( as Caitlin calls it ). They see her flapping when happy, or biting her hand when she is upset.She is the most hilarious person I know. She loves to laugh. She loves to jump, flap, dance and sing. She just does not like it when you join in. She loves the 80's music. That is the only music I know, but I am not allowed to sing with her. I have to lip-sync. She knows the singer and song to every song ever written. She knows all movie titles, stars and years. She knows every make and model of every vehicle ever made. She can tell by looking at the side of a car. She is the smartest person I have ever met. She makes A's and B's on her report card. Always on the honor roll. She was invited to be in the National Junior Honor Society. They did not choose her. She did not have enough extracurricular--ARE YOU KIDDING ME?But, most people will never know. I am proud of all of our children. I relish them all. They all give me so many different things in my life.But, it is Caitlin who made me the mother I am. Caitlin taught me how to change a diaper...sad, but true.Caitlin gave me my patience during her crying fits.Caitlin gave me my hugs when I would be sad.Caitlin taught me that it is okay to make her chicken, rice and corn every night ( see the carb connection ?)Caitlin taught me how to be her advocate at school and in life.Caitlin gave me the opportunity to see that Autism was not a death sentence.Caitlin let me see the beauty inside of her.....Now I am sharing it with you.

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THE QUESTION...

February 23, 2008

I got asked THE question today...the one that everyone asks me. Some people ask it to be smart asses. Some people ask it because they do not understand how anyone could do this....The question is...Would you have had so many children if you knew they would be autistic?My answer, without blinking, is ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT !I do not take offense to this question. I do not hesitate to answer it. I feel it is my obligation to do so.I later found out the reason behind the question.A teacher at the school my children attend, recently had a grandson. He is the light of her life. She finds he is very stiff when held. She finds he is not focused on his surroundings. She is worried.This wonderful teacher has taught 3 of my children. I would put her right up there with a Saint. She cries every year at the annual Kindergarten circus...she loves these children.She was curious about mine, because she is concerned about her own family.Life is so full of surpr