I really don't know how to write about this so here I go...

  I have been living with Autism for 17 years.  These were not always easy years, but they did fly by quite quickly...  Our oldest daughter, who is 17 years old taught us alot about living with a baby, toddler, child, pre-teen, teen and young adult with Autism.  I know she will teach me much more.

  When Caitlin was diagnosed with Autism, I became a bit angry as to the reasons why.  Same as each of the other 4 children who were diagnosed after her...Why do my children have Autism?  We asked the doctors and they could not tell us.  I went through blaming vaccines.  I mean got really angry about it.  I became obsessed with it.

  After a while, I realized that the anger towards what caused my children's Autism (which I never have concluded, by the way) was interrupting my enjoying my children.  I was so intent on the cause of Autism, that my focus was steering the wrong way...away from the positive things my children were doing on a daily basis.

  As my children were growing up, they were reaching milestones.  These children were learning and growing at an extraordinary rate.  Caitlin was doing so well in school and Erin and Patrick were almost at their cognitive age levels. 

  It was then, I made a decision.  I really needed to get away from the causation of Autism and back to the realization that I had children.  Children who were thriving in school and the community.  I give alot of the reason they thrive to the educators and the therapists who worked hard with our children.  Our children were gaining skills that we were told they would never achieve.

  As soon as I took the grasp of the anger out of my way, I began to enjoy the Autism that was around me.  I began to applaud each accomplishment and achievement the children were doing.  I began to enjoy the laughter and excitement they showed, even while they were stimming and flapping.  I took away the negativity that is so associated with Autism and made sure these children knew they are perfect the way they are. 

  I never want my children to ever feel they are not vital and essential to anyone.  I never want my children to think they cannot achieve anything they want to achieve.  They have shown us they are able to do alot of things.  I know they will continue to do this. 

  I look back to the first time I heard "Your child has Autism"....and I think about the parent's with newly diagnosed children.  I want to tell them, do not disown any of your feelings.  Do not let anyone tell you not to feel a certain way.  You need to own all of the emotions you feel with the diagnosis.  But, please remember, your child is the same child you had before you got the diagnosis.  Your child is not gone, they are standing right in front of you.  Your child needs to know that you will be there for them....you will be angry, but don't hold on to the anger for long.  Soon, you will appreciate all of the gifts your child with Autism can give you.