Today at A Child Chosen I have a post up that took me a long time to write. Today's adoption arena can be volatile because there are so many opposing views, because of politics and international reform, and because because birth parents are finally speaking out about how they were treated (and it is shedding light on how the system needs to be changed).

Please take a look and tell me what you think. I was very hesitant to post it because I don't want my views to be misinterpreted but I do want adoptive parents to be heard as well. I think that if everyone can work together we can reform the system.

It WILL take time, it WILL take effort from all parties, and it WON'T be easy but it CAN work.I sent this yesterday to AJ's school psychologist to help explain why is is so complex. I thought you all might enjoy it.When we talked today you stated that AJ was more complex than most kids you had seen.

You are right...and its been a tough journey with him. Not only does he have delays but he also has the medical issues, diminishing PTSD, but also the post-institutional behaviors (and many of those are VERY difficult to break).

The most difficult part of AJ's adoption has been the post-institutional behaviors, or as some neuro-psychologist say, institutional autism. He has grown so much since he has been home, and if you had known him when he was two you would be astounded at his progress.

He had just learned to walk (he had been swaddled and neglected in a crib or in the baby room for most of his first 2 years), he did not speak Russian or English (His first words were in English and he told us he was "all done".), and he was so overwhelmed by everything around him that he had night terrors that lasted 45 minutes to an hour.

He did not chew food until almost his third birthday, he would not allow us to sweep or vacuum because they frightened him to the core (he was abused with a broom), and he had all the self-stimming behaviors one would see in a severely autistic child.

We, as parents, have done everything we can to "take the institution" out of him and to do what is best for him. If we have spoiled him with attention and thus creating a problem then we'll take the blame (or credit)...but I think most of the team would understand why we did it.