These are all wonderful suggestions. My 87-year-old mother taught us that "when there is trouble in the house, move into the kitchen." And in my family, that is where we go first to clean and cook and organize and relieve any and all worries. It keeps you out of the way of closest family, too, and frees them to be attuned to the patient's needs. This has worked for me in happy stressful times, too---like when my grandson was born---and in that case, I could cook stuff up and fill their freezer before I left.....Take care. Judith in Portland

I've never been in this situation and it always worries me because I don't know what to do or say. The same thing when friends have a death in the family. This is extremely helpful so I have some idea of what I can actually do rather than just coming up with "comforting" words that I'm always worried aren't enough.

Thank you for making that list, for anyone like me, who hasn't gone through this kind of thing before. It's just hard to know what to do sometimes, as not everyone knows what goes on in those situations.

These are great ideas! I'd like to add a few "what can i do's" that were just offered to my family. 1. A neighbor offered to mow the lawn! Hadn't thought about it, but it made us feel like we were 'maintaining'. 2. If you want to bring flowers, bring a vase. We had several beautiful arrangements, but ended up sticking them in pitchers or even leaving them in the sink. 3. Friends at work gave gift cards for a few local restaurants. It was wonderful to be able to call in an order take it home. We didn't have to wash our hair or dig something out of the freezer. 4. Gas card. It can be exhausting and expensive to drive back and forth to the hospital. Filling up the car with gas is wonderful. One less thing to stress about. Also, if you are helping someone who is unfamiliar withe the area the hospital is in, consider printing a map to the hospital, and to doctor appointments. 5. Calling the family is wonderful, but it made us feel guilty if we didnt answer calls from family and friends. It was too much to tell everyone what had happened, how my father was doing and what we planned on doing next. It would have been wonderful if voice messages started with "hi it's andrea, please dont call me back, i just wanted you to know you were in my thoughts." 6. Email. Awesome way to budget your time. You can read them when you have time. We read them to my dad between meds. He laughed at some and was touched by others. It was nice to be able to respond to a group at a time and to have that information passed on... 7. Short visits!! We have been so embarrassed to let visitors in the house. There are bloody towels, vomit bowls, paperwork strewn across every surface, prescriptions lined up. We stressed out that someone would move a post-it note with important information. It was nice if a close family friend phoned first to visit at a time my dad would be coherent enough to know what was going on. It was doubly nice when that visit lasted 15 minutes!! 8. Locate the family resource center in the hospital and escort your friend/family member there. Harborview had a place to charge a cell phone, make a call from a land line, offered notary services and even gave out maps of the area. It was really nice to have a desk and a note pad... trying to find a place with cell coverage in hospital was tough. So was trying to take notes on tiny scraps of paper in a noisy waiting room. 9. Prayers!! I will say as difficult as this has been for my family, there are other families that haven't had the resources or prayers that we have. We are so blessed to have so many people keeping us in their thoughts... I had the strength to pray for our neighbors in the trama unit who didn't have family at their bedside.

These are great suggestions! One tactical thing my family found helpful during my father-in-law's hospital stay was to designate a "point person" - someone close who can publish updates and answer faq's(like to an email list), reduce duplicate offers for help, and shore up areas that people havent volunteered for. It helps the "givers" feel more useful and it allows the person in need to maybe ask for help in ways they wouldn't present to the public at large. Your tips are really helpful, keep it up.

Great stuff, Rosie, thank you! I love how you've made it list, really easy to take action from. Thanks!